I’m gonna tell you a secret….shhhh…..
For my first 8 years of life, I lived in a 3 room house with no running water. Heat and air was a fireplace and a fan. The bathroom was an outhouse.
And….I LOVED it! The happiest memories of my life are laughing and playing outside and running inside for a nice drink of cool water from the water bucket, or falling asleep in my little blue chair in front of the fan, or having baths in a galvanized tub, or sitting in front of the fireplace at Christmas feeling so cozy and loved.
It wasn’t until 1st grade that I discovered not every kid had it as good as me. They had inside bathrooms, and water that came out of a faucet, and, the worst, air-conditioning!
Yes, I did know how to use regular facilities. We did have to leave the holler from time to time. Like the time my Mom, brother, and I rode a greyhound bus all the way to New York City to see my grandma. I still cannot fathom how my Mom travelled like that with a 4 year old and an 11 year old. I can honestly say I am not courageous enough to EVER try that.
For some reason growing up, I never felt like I had missed out on anything. When I’d go to a friend’s house for a sleepover, I was never envious of their finished house with carpet, central heat and air, and running water. Their homes were just different, some nicer than others, but different. I adapted to my surroundings.
Adaptation is the fine art of adjusting to new conditions. And it truly is a fine art that later can be honed as a powerful skill. One thing I figured out right after I had my little ray of sun shine, is that kids are the absolute best at adapting. I remember just pondering how it was that kids were so expert at adaptation while for adults it can take a while. (I still do not know how to use a Mac Book, I’m all Windows) Then it hit me while I was playing outside with my little love; kids don’t know any more than what they have experienced!
This is a big concept, really. It seems so simple; it’s easy to overlook the true depth of this realization.
My little one was not born knowing that she could not hear. I’ll repeat that.
My little one did not know that she could not hear.
Another HUGE realization: Our child didn’t have to adapt to our world, We had to adapt to hers.
She didn’t have the disadvantage. I did. Beyond cuddles, smiles, cries, and facial expressions, we couldn’t speak the same language. And I, being the adult with the ability to surf the web, had the responsibility to learn a language we could both understand. I had to adapt.
A person should not mourn what they never knew and they did not have.
My child was my second pregnancy but first baby. I did not know a life with a hearing child. Sometimes my husband and I are so thankful that she has prompted us to learn a new language, especially in loud situations or when our proper English turns a bit more like drunken sailors’.
Our expectations? We had none. We had hope. We had love. We had the ability to adjust to new circumstances. We believed our child was not ‘broken’ and she did not need ‘fixing’.
Just as when I was a child, I couldn’t mourn the fact we lived in a 3 room shack. I never knew an alternate until I was older, that my ‘normal’ was different from others. And I never learned shame because my parents did not teach it to me.
Later, I will write more about expectation and about embarrassment. But I will note that kids are not born with expectation, nor are they born with embarrassment.
A Different Kind of Normal 